“Immediate humanitarian crisis”–but not ours

Say you’re the head of the Department of Offense in Iran and you let everyone in the world know you’re developing nuclear weapons so you can destroy Israel.  Suppose Israel doesn’t appreciate the idea and bombs your labs and munitions manufacturers before you quite finish the first nuke.

You gather your guys around and say, “How can we wipe the little Satan off the map when they won’t let us finish designing and building the nuclear weapons to take them out? How can we stop their pre-emptive strikes against our facilities–when we don’t yet have the nuclear weapons for our pre-emptive strikes against their people?”

Someone has a great idea. “Bring civilians and children into the facilities and let the international media know it! Then the issue will be all about protecting the innocent children and not about what we’re doing!”

So you do–and it works! Now the whole world is turning against Israel because they have the chutzpah to risk destroying a handful of children as collateral damage when they target the labs and munitions plant designing weapons to destroy all Israeli children (and every other Jew on the planet)!

Now say you’re the most feared terrorist in Central America and you want access to the United States to systematically destroy it from the inside out. You gather your sous-terrorists and drug warlords and kidnappers and rapists and after you all laugh until your sides hurt at how stupid and gullible the North Americans are, you tell them,

“We know immigration control in the States is a farce and we can get over the border without any trouble already. We know they give preferential treatment to illegal immigrants over legitimate immigrants, even refugees, as well as their country’s own veterans and citizens. We know the President and Congress reward those able to bypass and break the laws of the United States by coming into the country illegally. We know laws in the United States don’t amount to a hill of beans.

“It’s a great game making idiots of the North Americans. What if we make it even easier and more fun? Why don’t we use kids? What if we kidnap teenagers off the street–or encourage them, by promising them a free trip to the United States, whatever works–and send them across the border, distracting and harassing the border patrols with unaccompanied minors who need to be housed, clothed, and fed–until they have to abandon the border altogether?

“Then–how about this?–what if we get the guards themselves to do our work for us, spending their time busing the kids all around (this will drive them crazy) while we saunter in, disperse, and create terror wherever we want to. What if we get the President to make it all about the children, calling it an “immediate humanitarian crisis,” instead of a criminal diversion, and saying citizens who oppose this nonsense and want to get back to protecting the border aren’t “compassionate”?  Maybe we could even get him to send out riot teams to help us divide and conquer.

“All they have to do is seal the borders, then take every child currently detained, load them aboard 747s headed to Honduras, Guatemala, El Salvador, and Mexico, and seal the border so the problem won’t occur again.

“But trust me, North Americans aren’t going to step back, see the big picture and do the obvious thing: remind illegal immigrants that what they are doing is illegal and will be prevented, dumping the problem back in the laps of the Central American governments and humanitarian organizations. No, they’ll see it is their own problem. Best of all, we’ll get the American taxpayer to foot the whole thing! They won’t mind–in fact, they’ll urge the government to pay for the absurdity. They’ll be too concerned about the ‘poor little children’ to notice us taking over and instigating 9/11’s all over the country. Since we don’t give a damn about the children, the whole country will fall into our hands like ripe fruit.

“What’d ya say?”





About Jessica Renshaw

This entry was posted in Barack/Michelle Obama, child abuse, crime, disasters, Iran, Israel, not-so-amusing anecdotes, satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s